After the ecstasy of the previous performance, which continued into the next day, disillusion set in. Maybe this 100% responsibility is a sort of madness. Megalomania, or what the Jungians call “inflation”. Felt good though, and was beneficial.
I couldn’t concentrate for most of the next two shows. Then I found it towards the end of Così 7. I was thinking too much! I was trying to recapture something from another time, then not being able to. But instead I realised I could accept what was happening - follow the “not concentrating”! I was caring too much, being too earnest. This wasn’t right for this moment, as my wandering mind was trying to tell me.
I’d had a conversation with Jo earlier about lightening up, being close to stress, wanting to be right.
Its difficult to concentrate on not concentrating! To get a balance, to be aware of not concentrating. But when I did get it right, I started making a good sound, and felt comfortable. Let the brain take a back seat.
This doesn’t feel the same as wu-wei, the Eastern “doing without doing”. It is more like a European “can’t be bothered” (I will call it the ancient discipline of “ca-bo”!). This is a common attitude in London-based musicians! Perhaps this is the secret of the high standards here...
There is a connection with what I have been experimenting with (the “letting it happen”). It is letting the attitude happen. I was trying to force the right mindset instead of letting it be. That is just as counterproductive as forcing the right notes out.
As it turns out, Così 7 was not only the last performance with Sir Charles Mackerras but also his last performance before he died. He was an amazing man. An example of being completely in the present during a performance, apart from all his other qualities. RIP Charlie Mac.
Così 6&7
Tuesday, 15 June 2010
